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18 December 2012

Convoluted Christmas carols

We’ve found a few Christmas Carols translated into the ‘un-festive jargon of the modern workplace’. In 2009, our Australian friend Neil James took part in a radio station’s challenge to convert carols from ‘classic’ to ‘convoluted’. We thought it sounded like fun, and we’d love to repeat the challenge here in New Zealand. Take a look at the link, and post your own convoluted carols in the comments.

Here’s another example we found – a jargon-filled version of the Night Before Christmas.

If you don’t have time to give us a full carol, why not enter our Christmas competition and rewrite a song title?

You might aso enjoy reading some of the submissions to our 2011 competition, translations of the New Zealand version of the Twelve Days of Christmas.


  1. At one point during the period that the pastoralist attendants of ovine quadrupeds provided necessary oversight to said quadrupeds (this period being relative to the nocturnal segment of a terrestrial revolution), while at the same time taking up a stationary position balanced with their posteriors in direct contact with terra firma, a benevolent celestial being, humanoid in form, regarding whom the Divine ruler of the universe claimed ownership,manifested by moving towards them from a position above their heads, and the atmosphere in the immediate vicinity became brightly illuminated.

  2. Being a triptych of sagacious nobility emanating from a distant caliphate
    And having procured symbolic goodwill offerings,
    Our peregrinations accomplish prodigious distances:
    Verdant pasture and ornamental aquatic projectiles;
    Grassland, savannah and lofty peaks;
    In the indefatigable pursuit of a distant luminous sphere of plasma
    Held together by gravity.

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  4. The defendant has been instructed to "watch out" (by the procecution), and to refrain from weeping openly in the courtroom.
    The defendant is also requested (but not required) to abstain from expressions deemed offensive to the jury.
    Reasoning offered by the Crown:
    The Right Honourable Justice Santos Clowes will be present for all proceedings.
    The office of The Justice has compiled the following list, to wit:
    -officially sanctioned double-checking is confirmed
    -a preliminary assessment of the defendant's guilt or innocence will be made prior to proceedings
    -all witnesses will be screened prior to commencement of the court process.