Retirement savings affected by human factors

Last week I attended the Workplace Savings NZ conference 'Shifting the Story Line'.

The keynote speaker was UK behavioural economist Dr Nick Southgate, who spoke about how people's behaviour and attitudes to saving affect their decision making about retirement savings. Investing for your retirement is something we know we need to do, but it can be a difficult thing to commit to because of the way our brains work.

Dr Southgate says that human beings are designed to be more interested in what is happening now than in the future. In his presentation, he discussed some of the human factors that affect people's behaviour towards saving. He suggested some techniques that may help providers of investment funds to find ways to encourage people's saving habits.
Read the report in the NZ Herald

See the slides from Dr Southgate's presentation

Aim for clear, concise, and effective documents

Many speakers at the conference referred to another important factor in encouraging people to invest in KiwiSaver and other retirement savings schemes: providing investors with clear, easy-to-read information so they can make decisions with greater confidence.We're more likely to read, understand, and act on information that is written in plain language.

So in a presentation later on at the conference with financial consultant Helen MacKenzie, I emphasised ways of keeping readers interested in the content of investment statements and other financial information.

In particular, keep your readers happy by presenting what is often complex information using straightforward language and short sentences. Add useful visuals, case studies, and examples to help explain your concepts. Avoid legalistic language and include definitions of technical terms.

Think of the human factors: just as we find it hard to think about savings in the future, we struggle with information that's hard to process.

Spies may need codes, but they need plain English too

I learnt pretty much everything I know about how to be a spy shortly after I turned 7. That was the year I got The KnowHow Book of Spycraft for my birthday.

I had hours of serious fun with this book. It taught me how to make invisible ink and how to write messages in code. It taught me how to carry my messages safely ­­— inside pens or secret pockets — and how to plant them discreetly for my 'contacts' to find. Most importantly, it taught me that to avoid suspicion I should always wear a large trench coat with many pockets, and a fedora in a complementary colour.

What I didn't realise at the time was just how much this book wasn't teaching me. It made no mention of how to write up my spy reports in clear, concise language. It did not teach me that the 'intelligence' I gathered about my family and friends meant little if I could not convey it effectively.

Over 30 years later, I’m finally able to close this gap in my knowledge. The Guardian reports that America's Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has a style guide for spies. It's available online.

At long last, I’ll be able to write convincingly and correctly about who really did steal that last cookie from the cookie jar. It wasn’t me. Honest.

Plain beautiful

Our passion is plain English, but some people seem to think ‘plain’ means ‘unadorned’ rather than ‘clear’.

To us, plain English is text that the intended readers find easy to read, easy to understand, and easy to act on. A suitable tone for the audience and purpose is part of plain English (and one of the key criteria we use when assessing documents). Structure is part of plain English. Layout is part of plain English. Elegance is part of plain English.

Plain English is the style of Abraham Lincoln, and Mark Twain, and Justice Holmes, and George Orwell, and Winston Churchill, and E.B. White. Plain words are eternally fresh and fit. More than that, they are capable of great power and dignity: "And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good." (Joseph Kimble Answering the Critics of Plain Language)

Joseph Conrad wrote in plain English, as does Kate Grenville. The American Constitution is written in plain English. Steve Jobs consistently worked magic with plain English. Plain words and plain meaning enhance the emotional impact on the reader. Nothing gets in the way of the emotional experience. ‘Plain’ is not boring; ‘plain’, well done, is beautiful.

Government Jargon buster booklet a step in the right direction

Bravo! Several government agencies who deal with procuring services have just released a jargon-buster booklet designed to help those of us who struggle with bureaucratic language. What exactly  is procurement, I hear you ask? I can now tell you. It's 'all aspects of acquiring and delivering goods, services and works. It starts with identifying a need and finishes with either the end of a service contract or the end of the useful life and disposal of an asset.'

Whew! What a relief. Anyone who has ever tried to bid for a government contract knows how dense and difficult the procurement process is. And the language of procurement has usually been the first major hurdle to be overcome by anyone trying to get a slice of government business. Scary jargon, overblown euphemisms and a sea of acronyms have often confronted anyone trying to fight their way through a Request for Tender or Expression of Interest document.

So it's wonderful to see that several government agencies, including the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment, the Office of the Auditor General, Treasury, and the State Services Commission have collaborated on producing this useful jargon buster Common Procurement Words and Expressions Explained.

Jargon has a place, but clarity is best
The booklet will be a valuable, practical resource. We'll be keeping one close to hand at Write. I do have to wonder, though, whether we really need phrases like 'constructive market engagement' when the definition explains that it is really 'meeting with suppliers to discuss your needs and find out what's on offer in the marketplace.' Really, the bureaucratic jargon term adds very little.

Jargon does have its place. It can be a useful shortcut, to save time and space for those in the know. But there's the rub. Jargon is a type of 'in-group' language. It only works well for those who are part of the in-group. And all too often, writers over-estimate people's desire for, and understanding of, jargon. Clarity, simplicity, and accuracy trump jargon almost every time.

So congratulations to the government agencies who produced the procurement jargon buster booklet. But the very fact that the booklet is 34 pages long tells us that jargon is far too prevalent. Let's try to cut it right back, so that we have less need of booklets to translate jargon, no matter how good they are.

Write's top five blogs for 2013

Which of our blog posts did you click most last year? We blog about all kinds of topics. The value of clear writing — financially and philosophically. Grammar — everyone wants to know about the debates and the options. Financial literacy. Language usability. Books from our shelves. Our own pet peeves.

Here’s the 2013 hit parade — the top five posts from our blog Write Clearly.

1. Think like a Tui ad!
Yeah, right. No, really! Tui ads are short, succinct, and perfectly pitched to their audience, says Lynda Harris. But what’s special about the one that she posted on Tui’s DIY billboard at their factory?
Read how to think like a Tui ad 

2. Do you take your lists with or without semicolons?
Anne-Marie Chisnall describes the science behind readability and visual clutter.
Read more about more readability and visual clutter

3. A conversation about health literacy
In our 'Conversations' blog series, Rosie Knight talks to health providers about the techniques they use to make sure that communication with their patients works well both ways. She also delves into why health literacy improves patient outcomes, and saves health dollars. In this conversation Rosie talks to Lorna Bingham, Diabetes Nurse Specialist.
Read Rosie's conversation with Lorna Bingham

4. Poor writing is not sustainable
Too many New Zealand businesses don't realise the huge impact that unsustainable business practices are having on their bottom line. Diana Burns quotes sustainability consultant Annette Lusk. And Diana writes that sustainable writing has a huge impact on profits.
Read more about making business writing sustainable

5. Taking issue with issues (and other such euphemisms)
Diana Burns finds a kindred spirit in columnist Joe Bennett, with his attack on the word ‘provider’ (as in internet provider, education provider, and health provider). She reveals a trick we use at Write for generating ‘noun strings’, and why they are terrible things.
Read more about taking issue with issues
Click to tweet: Write’s top five blogs for 2013

Think like a Tui ad!

My husband and I recently took some overseas guests on a tour of the Tui factory in Feilding. When I sent our 'Make your own billboard' effort to friends and family, plenty of laughter and comment followed.

In our circle it was a worthy ‘ad’ that spoke loud and clear. Why? We don't drink.

So the four words from us and two from Tui actually said 'David and Lynda went to the Tui factory. We know they didn't do any beer tasting because they don't drink alcohol. They wouldn't even think of it! Even the thought of them going to a beer factory is odd. But they were pretty good sports to join in the fun’. A 50 word story perfectly told in just 6 words.

Tui ads are a brilliant example of plain English  — a few short words, chosen to convey a powerful message and perfectly pitched to connect with the audience.

So ‘Think like a Tui ad’ is the new slogan at our place. You’re welcome to share it!

Do you take your lists with or without semicolons?

How do you format your bulleted lists?

Many of our clients prefer the traditional legal format that uses semicolons at the end of each bulleted item, with 'and' or 'or' at the end of the second-to-last item. 

Avoid visual clutter

We have a plain English prejudice against semicolons in bulleted lists. Semicolons are ‘visual clutter’. Scientific research suggests that visual clutter impacts on a reader’s ability to focus. People find it much more difficult to recognise things in the midst of clutter.

The most widespread impediment to reading and object recognition … is the mysterious process known as crowding, which is the deleterious effect of clutter ...

Objects that can be easily identified in isolation seem indistinct and jumbled in clutter ... Crowding impairs not only discrimination of object features and contours, but also the ability to recognize and respond appropriately to objects in clutter. [Visual Crowding: A fundamental limit on conscious perception and object recognition, David Whitney and Dennis M. Levi]

Focus on readability

Semicolons make the document look more legalistic, more difficult, and less reader-friendly, which sets the reader up to believe they are going to have difficulty reading it.

So our plain English approach when writing bulleted lists is to leave out semicolons and those extra 'ands' and 'ors'. Instead, we make sure that the context makes it clear how many of the bullet points apply.

If necessary, we change the stem sentence so that the reader can’t be mistaken. For example, we might write a stem sentences that says: 'as long as one of the following applies...'

Small changes can have a big effect on readability and tone.

What I read in the holidays

Here at Write, we're great readers. During the working year we don't often get the chance to read just to relax. But in the holidays we read all kinds of books, articles, and magazines. I've been enjoying Andrew Blackwell's Visit Sunny Chernobyl and Other Adventures in the World's Most Polluted Places. I admit this book title may not sound like a relaxing read, but Andrew Blackwell writes about serious topics in a compelling style with a good dose of humour to help the messages get through.

Chapter 1 is a fascinating story about his visit to Chernobyl. And it includes a really good explanation in plain English of nuclear fission.

I googled 'nuclear fission'. Physics.org gave this explanation 4 out of 5 stars for usefulness for my age (adult) with a basic level of knowledge – see what you think.
An explanation of nuclear fission

But Andrew Blackwell's explanation works for me and gives me just the amount of information I need to know right now. It starts like this:

Oh, fission. People make it sound so complicated, but any chump can get the basics. It involves – to skip most of the physics – piling up a giant stack of purified uranium to make your reactor's core. You'll have to mix some graphite in with the uranium, to mellow out the neutrons it's emitting.

We good? Okay. Once you've got the core together, install some plumbing in it so you can run water through to carry off the heat, and then just stand back and cross your fingers.

A few of the uranium atoms in your core will spontaneously split – they're funny that way – and when they do, they'll give off heat and some neutrons. It doesn't matter if you don't know what neutrons are, other than that they're tiny and will shoot off like bullets, colliding with neighboring uranium atoms and causing them to split. This will give off more heat and more neutrons, which will cause still further atoms to split, and so on, and so on, and so on. The immense heat created by this chain reaction will heat the water, which will create the steam, which will spin the turbines at terrifying speed, which will turn the generators, which will create an ungodly amount of electricity, which will be used to keep office buildings uncomfortably cold in the middle of summer.

So far, so good. 

He then goes on to explain how the control rods work – and what happens when the chain reaction gets out of control.

Notice how Blackwell speaks directly to you, the reader, and uses the active voice rather than the passive. And he tells a story that draws you in and leads to a strong conclusion. He goes on to explain how pulling the control rods out lets the chain reaction begin. Then:

But pull the control rods out slowly, okay? And for the love of God, please – please – put them back when you're done.

So think about your readers, especially when writing about technical topics. In the appropriate setting, a clear, chatty explanation may be just what your readers are looking for. Especially when they're on holiday.

Want to buy a copy of Andrew Blackwell's book?

Plain language evangelism – Equipping the disciples

Since Moses smashed the tablets – the stone ones with ten straightforward rules for living – we’ve been working very hard at transforming the simple into the complex, and confusing ourselves in the process. Joe Kimble, a plain language evangelist whose life work has been campaigning for plain legal language, is trying to alleviate the confusion by keeping things simple in his book, Writing for Dollars, Writing to Please.

This book is about a cause, but with a personal touch. For me, the personal touch adds interest and underpins the integrity of Joe Kimble’s work in an area that many would struggle to get excited about. You get a sense of mission from the personal story in Part 1.

While at law school, Joe never questioned legal style, despite having studied English at Amherst College and graduated with honours. It never occurred to him that anything was wrong. The awakening (Joe’s word) came while working for the Michigan Supreme Court when he stumbled across two texts – on legal drafting and on English usage – both of which promoted simplicity and clarity. Over the last 30 years Joe has taught legal writing at Thomas Cooley Law School, acted as a legal drafting consultant, and written and spoken widely about plain language and its benefits.

Early on, you find out what this book is not about. It’s not a manual focusing on the nuts and bolts of clear writing. But in Part 2 Joe adapts guidelines he has produced for printed legal documents to helpfully explain the elements of plain language. For more detailed practical advice, he invites his reader to consult the plain language literature.

As its subtitle states, this book presents the case for plain language in business, government and law. In making the case, Joe’s “good news” message for businesses and government agencies is simple – using plain language is a money-saver. Why? Because plain language promotes clear understanding, and clear understanding reduces transaction costs. Those who need to act on information can do so only to the extent they understand what is required. Misunderstanding generally means more time and expense.

The case is made in Parts 3, 4 and 5. Part 3 debunks 10 of the most common myths, which attack the utility and effectiveness of plain language. Part 4 highlights the concrete results of promoting plain language worldwide over the last 50 years via publications, laws, projects, events, organisations and consultancies. Finally, Part 5 provides summaries of 50 plain language initiatives that demonstrate savings in time and money for government and business, and a better experience for consumers.

The case, as presented, is compelling. But is that enough to change hearts and minds? I have my doubts, and I suspect Joe might agree with me. In his personal story he says this book reflects all his efforts over 35 years in sharing the techniques, debunking the myths, and promoting the benefits of plain language. Three times in one paragraph he says, “I’ve tried…” revealing a hint of disappointment, and confirming the truth of the adage “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”. You can also sense the frustration when at page 43, after asking isn’t 50 years of myth-busting enough, the author says:

In the end, you have to wonder just what it is that traditionalists are defending about traditional style. And you have to wonder whether they have had the slightest experience with plain language or given a moment’s thought to what it can accomplish.

Joe refers to his work as a journey. I like that metaphor. A journey’s progress depends on the conditions faced along the way. Occasionally it will be “plain” sailing with excellent progress, but more often than not the road will be rocky and progress will be slower, but progress nonetheless. In many cases complacency, rather than overt opposition, may be to blame for the perceived slow adoption of plain language in business and public communication.

So who will read this book? I think it will appeal mainly to those who are already convinced of the worth of plain language, or at least are favourably disposed towards it. They will be encouraged by the well constructed retrospective showing the gains that have been made, and hopefully will be inspired to build on the solid foundation of those gains.

Joe Kimble has demonstrated that he is not a lone voice crying in the wilderness. The seeds of plain language have been well and truly planted. Benefits are being reaped, but a rich harvest remains out there. Those who already acknowledge the value of plain language and want to promote it in their organisations will find this book a valuable resource. They will be able to confidently follow the author’s rallying call that ends this book: “Go forth and spread the word.” Hearts, as well as minds, need to be changed, and that’s a job for well-equipped disciples.

By Steve O’Hagan

Steve is an enrolled barrister and solicitor of the High Court of New Zealand and a plain language advocate. He has worked in the legal services industry in both the private and public sector for 22 years, specialising in knowledge and information management, and honing his writing skills.

Clarity or obfuscation?

Eric Rosenberg, writing in Forbes, suggests that business can save money if it learns plain language techniques from business.

Many organizations default to opacity and obfuscation in their communications. Clarity of purpose is crucial in business. But many within organizations have difficulty expressing that purpose – whether it’s in a mission statement, a news release, or an internal marketing presentation. The result isn’t surprising. As workers grapple for clarity, there are more meetings about meetings, more memos about memos, more time and resources spent clearing away the brush in an attempt to reveal a purpose.

 and

...in the business world,  lengthy presentations often are rewarded over substance, and jargon is confused with intelligence. Real words are lost and, as a result, the ideas buried.

Read the article for more about the diagnosis and the solution.

Does my butt look big in this?

We were recently offered a complimentary gym membership. Some of the folks in the office thought a complimentary gym membership sounded like a great idea for those who don’t like to look at their side view in mirrors!

Compliment / complement is a troublesome pair. As you all know, the first is an expression of admiration but it also means something free, so the gym was correct. The second is something that adds extra features or benefits. 'She complimented me on the way my handbag complemented the outfit.' 

Liz of Libroediting has been blogging about troublesome pairs. Check out her index of troublesome pairs posts to see if you can find an entry on words that confuse you or your work colleagues.

Do I use compliment or complement?

So what is professional writing?

'Professional’ is a word people bandy about — probably because it sounds impressive. Yes, but what does it mean?

Where writing is concerned, we at Write hear ‘professional’ used often by writers trying to describe how they want their writing to come across. ‘Professional’ has become a catchall term for everything about a piece of writing ranging from vocabulary to tone to layout.

For our two cents’ worth, professionalism implies correctness — specifically, correctness of expression. And let’s throw in consistency as well, while we’re on the job.

Professionalism means correctness of expression

Sorry, but correctness of expression involves all those school days do’s and don’ts. Wrong spelling, misused or missed out punctuation, sentences that are badly constructed — these create a bad impression on the reader. They suggest lack of professionalism because they imply laziness and lack of attention to detail. Which in turn reflect on an organisation as a whole.

If you are a lazy or careless writer, have the grace to disguise that fact by giving your writing to someone who is painstaking and takes pride in getting things correct.

Professionalism means consistency of expression

Consistency means using the same element of language or punctuation in a similar manner throughout a document. Here are three examples.

• If you use the word ‘report’ to refer to something, continue to use that same term (oops! I mean word) throughout.
• Be consistent with the way you punctuate bullet-pointed lists (you may have a style guide that provides a standard).
• If you use a capital letter for a word, for example Ministry, make sure you use the capital consistently.

We can’t all be experts

You may know you’re not blessed with the eye for detail that professionalism requires. So shoulder- tap someone in your organisation who is.

Hidden away in every organisation are members of a fast-dying race — proofreaders — to whom I will dedicate a future blog. Ask one of these rare beings to check your writing for correctness and consistency.

All the thanks they’ll want is the opportunity to explain to you why they’ve made changes — and you never know, you might learn something!

Junk food for sentences

H/T ('hat tip', meaning a tip of the hat) to PR Daily for the great image. Laura Hale Brockway used it to illustrate her blog '20 phrases you can replace with one word'. She has a great list of verbose nasties, and invites commenters to offer their own. I don't have a favourite - they're all complex carbohydrates for sentences. My advice: put your organisation on a diet of good, healthy, meaningful words.

Seeking direction in the financial markets

One common complaint from the global financial downturn is that people didn't understand what they were signing up to. In New Zealand, the Financial Markets Authority (FMA) has been charged with making sure that investors have the information they need to make good decisions; that disclosure documents are effective. The FMA has recently released a consultation paper on guidelines to help organisations meet the standard of 'effective', and we're please to see that they 'get' plain English. Here's a quote from the guidelines:

20. Disclosure documents are clear if they:

• use plain language;
• are logically ordered and easy to navigate;
• highlight key information;
• explain complex information, including any technical terms;
• avoid industry or legal jargon.

21. Plain English is a style of writing in which the language, structure, and presentation of a document all work together to help the reader. A document written in plain English is easy to read, understand, and act upon after just one reading. [We couldn't agree more. Ed.]

 Last year, commenting on the new Financial Sector category in the annual Plain English Awards, Diana Crossan, Retirement Commissioner, said ‘New Zealand is one of the first countries in the world to develop a national strategy for financial literacy. Making sure documents are clear, understandable, and easy to compare means people can make informed financial decisions throughout their lives.’

The new guidance document is another step in the right direction.

Even the professionals get confused - supporting the case for plain English

Even the financially literate folk at the Commission for Financial Literacy and Retirement Income can get confused by financial information, according to a recent report about KiwiSaver calculations. It just goes to show that everyone benefits from clear, concise communication. And when we're reading about complex topics like retirement savings, clarity is critical. The main message to fund managers? 'Keep KiwiSaver clear.'

Read what happened here

Read all about it -- Awards winners and finalists announced

Congratulations to the winners and finalists in the WriteMark New Zealand Plain English Awards!

Read about the winners and finalists

See the full list of winners and finalists

Plain English for complex information

Recently, I have been thinking about how to use plain English for complex information -- the particular challenges, and how to attack them.

I gave a presentation to the Wellington branch of the Technical Communicators Association of New Zealand (TCANZ) on 4 April.

I have made a narrated video (16 minutes, 10MB) of the slides. Let me know what you think.

Plain English for complex information from James Burgess on Vimeo.

How to write with purpose

In last month's survey, we asked you to name the the problem you find most often in the documents produced by your organisation. Overwhelmingly, you told us the most common problem was lack of clear purpose.

Why is the purpose of the document so important? Why do you need to make sure the purpose is clear at the beginning of the document? Your reader could just as well ask, 'why should I read this document?' or 'what's in it for me?'

Stating the purpose clearly at the beginning of the document lets your reader know why they should take the time to read further. Without a purpose statement, you run the risk of losing your reader's attention and of not getting the result you're looking for.

Don't be shy. If your title or headline doesn't completely capture your purpose, blatantly include a section called 'Purpose of this document'. It feels a little odd at first, but it helps to clarify your thinking and to structure your writing. You don't always have to head up the purpose section in this way. Later you'll branch out and think of many more engaging headings. Just make sure you keep your reader in mind and keep the purpose upfront. This way you'll have happier readers and be more likely to get results from your writing -- and maybe compliments too!

See the results from February's survey here.

Have your say in this month's survey.